Fightstarter Karaoke

People ask me why I still seek a career in law enforcement, despite unceremoniously being tossed out on my ass two years ago.

I was faced with the same question when I was trying to get into law enforcement in the first place, when I was fluffy (FATTYCAKES!) and I struggled with something so simple as scaling a 6-foot solid wall. I distinctly remember being in an aunt's kitchen not too long after I graduated from college, covered in bruises from one of my many failed attempts at a physical agility test. Her son Sam, my cousin, graduated the same day as I, same school, same major.

(Sidenote: At graduation, they had us form two lines and come up on either side of the stage to receive out diplomas. We were to give our card to the announcer and then walk across the stage. We did not plan this - we didn't know where the other was sitting - my name was announced, I walked across the stage, and from the other side, I heard the other announced call Sam's name directly after mine. It was pretty cool.)

Sam was apparently going through the same struggles, but because of injury, not any type of shortcoming. As I sat with my aunt telling her my woeful tales of bruising and walls, she leaned across the table and asked me, why do I kept doing it? Maybe something so difficult is best left alone, if all I seemed to be getting out of it was an impressive set of bruises and scars. While I appreciated her sympathy, she was essentially telling me to quit.

Some people are satisfied with just...being. They don't aspire to be great, they are content with mediocrity. And that's totally fine. But I've never been one of those people. I'm not happy with the status quo.

During my brief stint in the business world, my old boss once told me I had no head for business. And at first, I was highly insulted. How dare he imply that I'm actually not good at something! I'm good at ALL THE THINGS!

(Except swimming, being quiet, sitting still, being politically correct, video games, shopping, typing, putting on makeup, painting my nails, plucking my eyebrows, rollerblading, skateboarding, drawing, math, science, anything technological, remembering things, driving, washing lettuce, staying awake past 11 p.m., paying attention, watching a tv show for more than 3 episodes, talking, most activities requiring coordination...

But I digress.)

Now however, I choose to take it as a compliment. In truth, I have no interest in seeking advancement in any type of corporate setting. I am driven by a desire to be an instrument in doing something for others. I keep trying, I deal with the scars and bruises because the only contribution I made to law enforcement is a few months as a drone.

That's not enough.

And yes, I know, you have to start at the bottom and work your way up to the top. I get it. But most people start from the bottom and have no idea how to work their way up. A lot of people (myself included) use the phrase, "get your foot in the door". Which is a good idea...short term. What happens after the foot (and hopefully, the rest of you) is in the door? Do you stare forlornly up at the top of the pyramid and wonder how the hell to get there? Do you putter around, hoping you'll get noticed and get ahead that way? Or, once inside, do you take out the tools you came in with, and get to work?

I refuse to allow a few fights and some reports to be my only legacy as a public servant. I have a hard time telling people, "I am a former sheriff's deputy" because I only did so much. Does a year and a half as a jail deputy really count, in the long run? What did I really accomplish? I want my name to be synonymous with...something. Something more than a misspelled name on a Starbucks cup.

So, going back to my aunt's question: why do something that is causing you so much pain, so much suffering? Wouldn't it be easier to just give up?

In the words of the Dropkick Murphys.

You make the most of the hand you're dealt because a quitter never wins.