*clears throat, taps microphone*
My fellow Americans.
While at the mall today with the parental units and Mohair Sam, I came upon one of those sights that makes you sad for humanity.
A heavyset, youngish woman, completely empty-handed, perusing the eyeglass display at your friendly neighborhood Lenscrafters. Close behind, looking oblivious, was her husband or boyfriend, clutching her Coach purse (which he likely paid for) in his left hand.
He looked at me through the glass, and we locked eyes. I glanced down at the purse in his hand, then back at him, shaking my head with a sad smirk.
Ladies: unless your hands were eaten off by a shark and you as yet do not have your bionic claws or hooks, or you are so intoxicated you're talking to shrubbery or a fire hydrant, or are otherwise so completely incapacitated you cannot do so on your own, there is NO reason, ever, that you should make your man carry your purse for you.
Gentlemen: When your wife or girlfriend hands you her bag and says, "Baby/Sweetie/Schnookums, hold my purse?" You are fully within your rights to say, "No, bitch. Carry your own shit." Then go do something manly. Like bicep curls, or bear wrestling.
Carry a woman's purse for her, and you might as well remove your testicles and put them in the bag next to her lipstick so she can keep them safe, as you obviously won't be needing them.
Ha ha ha! The other month, my husband and I were walking through Downtown Disney and I had to pee. Like NOW. So as I was rushing towards the bathrooms, I threw off my coat and purse, and tossed them his way so I would be free to run into the stall and quickly get down to peeing without any hindrances. When I met him back outside, he was still holding my coat and purse and he said that he went pee, too - as in, he carried my stuff into the men's room and peed. I guess that's my punishment for making my husband hold my purse - now my purse has gross-man-bathroom germs forever stuck to it.
ReplyDeleteHAHAHA! Gross! That's what Clorox wipes are for though!
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