It Always Comes Back to Poo.

I'm lazy.

I have always known this. After my sister's wedding, I was in danger of falling face first into the fire pit because I was so tired. Whenever I hang out with friends, there is the inevitable part where my sister sidles up to me and whispers, "Dude, why don't you head home/go lay down?" because, as an astute observer, she has been watching my eyes roll back into my head for half an hour. The last straw (to me, anyway) that told me my exhaustion had reached massive proportions was last Saturday, where I realized I was nodding off before midnight in a noisy, crowded bar in West Hollywood.

In an effort (as little effort as possible) to bring my energy level up just a teensy bit, I have decided to give this whole 'master cleanse' thingamajig a shot. I can't eat anything for 10 days, have to drink salt water, and never stray far away from a bathroom. What could go wrong?

I can think of a few snafoos already...

Day 1


I stopped by Sprouts on my way home last night and bought some lemons and maple syrup. Which apparently costs 10 freakin dollars when you buy the real thing. Fuck. Makes me want waffles.

I have the recipe stuck to my refrigerator, apparently I can make the batch for the whole day and just take it to work with me. The part that I feel is going to majorly suck however, is the salt water flush.

Yup. It's exactly what it sounds like.

You know that rhyme, 'water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink' ? Well, the reason you can't drink salt water is because your body doesn't absorb it, therefore you don't get any hydration (who says my blog isn't educational?). So basically the purpose of the salt water flush is to go in as salt water, and then come back out, bringing any friends it might have met along the journey.

And BIG DEAD JESUS it tastes gross.

It took me three tries to get it all down, and I only gagged once. Yay for me!

Around 9:00 am I took my first taste of the lemonade-syrup-cayenne pepper concoction. Wasn't too bad, the only thing is it's weird to DRINK something spicy as opposed to eating it.

Seeing as its only day 1, there's not much else to report. But according to everything I have read, this process promises lots of other adventures like bad breath, oily skin, frequent potty trips, and bad acne. YAY!