By The Balls.

So I know I promised my readers (all two of them) a super-smashing blog on my online dating adventures, but as usual, general laziness plus other things thwarted my efforts yet again. So I’ll come back to it later. Plus every day I check my profile finds new shit to write so I think I might just archive it all until I finally decide to get rid of the profile.

I’ve started playing dodgeball! Last season my brother in law Steve joined a league, and I stupidly declined the invite to join. I went to a game and it just looked so durned fun I decided to join next season. Plus as Lucy said, it would make an excellent outlet for my shiny, happy fits of rage.

Three weeks ago, I was all ready for my first game. I was convinced of my athletic prowess and had visions of the great catches and throws I would make. I’d be invincible. I’d be untouchable and fast as lightning.

Awesome.

Ten seconds into my first game and it became obvious that this would not be the case. I spent 90% of my time doing a spastic, retardo-dance in an effort to avoid getting hit at all costs. I made no fabulous catches, no amazing throws. I was however, able to dodge like nobody’s business. So much that, in a few games, I found myself the last (wo)man standing. And let me tell you, an empty dodgeball court can be a lonely place.

So sad.

More often than not, the other team would make quick work of pelting me with dodgeballs fairly quickly. Other times, I actually made it a decent length before getting hit.

I had to sit out the second week due to a death in the family. Last week, I was back in action and ready to dodge like never before!

Or so I thought.

The very first game I was the first one tagged out. As the games ensued, I was able to get a bit of my dodge-mojo back and was a harder target. There we were, fighting the good fight, knocking over the black lady because she was heavy and an easy target, hitting the bald guy because he was obviously on steroids and hard as nuts to hit. This team had one really tall guy too, with long monkey-arms. Lurch was able to get his hands on a ball and sent it full tilt at me. Now, on a person of normal height, this would have been a direct hit to center mass. Guess where I got nailed.

Sweet.

My only regret? No one recorded it.