This is why I'll never be an adult.

I would be lying if I said I never want to get married.

I know I can be all fire and brimstone and shit, and I sure as hell love having my own little hovel I can call my own, but on occasion, it can get a little dull.

However, as much as I’d like to make some poor sucker miserable one day, I’m not so sure about the actual wedding part.

Once, when Lucy first got engaged, she, my mom and I were sitting around discussing some wedding shenanigans. Probably talking about, oh I don’t know…place settings? What color underwear Lucy will be wearing? Whatever. In the midst of this, my mom turned to me with a blissful sigh and said, “Just think, one day we can plan your wedding!”

My reply? “uh…can’t I just elope?"

Mom: (with angry mom death stare) "that is NOT funny."

Me: "Well, isn’t that what you did?"

This was apparently the wrong answer.

Lucy’s wedding was the shit. We had tacos, piñatas, a load of booze, no bouquet toss (which I detest); my dress cost $30, and I got the do the Carlton dance. There are a few ideas from her wedding I might borrow, like not having a bouquet toss (again, HATE), tacos, and most definitely piñatas. There are a few other details though, that might earn me a court order barring me from planning my own wedding:

1. The wedding party will walk down the aisle to “The Final Countdown”, while I will walk down the aisle to “Get Down Tonight”
2. A bouncy castle, sumo suits or a ball pit. Possibly all three.
3. If I don’t get tacos, I want an In n Out truck.
4. Having the groomsmen and the bridesmaids do a dance-off, a la West Side Story, complete with snappy fingers. They can decide who will be the Jets and who will be the Sharks.
5. All the groomsmen will wear eye patches.
6. At the reception, have midgets walking around with sombreros that are also chip and salsa receptacles.
7. Have my first dance be "Stayin' Alive", complete with choreography.
8. Be married by a priest that sounds like the one from Princess Bride (if I get hitched at La Purisima, this is entirely possible), and he HAS to say, "Mawage is wat bwings us togevah, today"

Don't hate just because you didn't think of it first.